01. Your CrossFit Friends
They’re shredded in the head.
02. The Epic Bacon Boys: Internet Popularity Consultants
Scoot and Zipper advise your website on how to get mad hits.
03. You Have Got to Try Heroin
It’s more addictive than Game of Thrones.
04. Dude, Are You Gay?
Bro, your homophobia is showing.
05. Sex Dungeons and Dragons
Your deepest fantasies meet your favorite fantasy game.
06. Your “I Don’t Care about Sports” Friend
We all know an anti-sports robot.
07. How to Pretend You Like That Shitty Gift
Give the gift of lying.
08. My New Year’s Resolution Is to Get My Dick out of This Toaster
Reach for your dreams, and see what pops up.
09. The Guy Who’s Too Casual about Plans
He totally goes with the flow. Or not. He’ll let you know if he can.
10. Are We Ready to Go Yet?
I just gotta pee quick, and then I’ll be ready.
11. Damon Lindelof’s Mysteries Are Just Annoying
Who is our protagonist? What is his motivation?
12. Everyone’s High School Boyfriend
He doesn’t have a job, so he hangs out at yours.
13. If People Left Parties Like They Leave Facebook
It’s fine to just leave.
14. Why You’re More Successful than Steve Jobs
If at first you don’t succeed, just redefine success.
15. Are My Lady Parts Normal?
Your weird is my normal. Unless that’s weird.
16. How to Braid Your Hair Like in Game of Thrones
The perfect braid for getting decapitated.
17. If CrossFitters Took a Yoga Class
Relax your mind so you can destroy your body.
18. The Guy Who Had a “Crazy” Night
It was crazy, but also, it was insane.
19. The Worst Video Game Controller Ever Made
Ain’t no party like a third party because the third party makes terrible controllers.
20. What Happens When You Tell People You Can’t Eat Gluten
That’s so sad. Want a sandwich?
21. The Guy Who Listens by Interrupting You
It’s called hyperactive listening.
22. Wacky Hijinks from the 80s Comedies Were Mostly Rape
The ‘80s were a wacky, rape-y time.
23. If People Treated Personal Deaths Like Celebrity Deaths
This is actually affecting me. Weird!
24. When Not to Correct People’s Grammar
I before “e” especially after grief.
25. What It’s like Being on a Group Text
Just start a new fucking thread already.
26. 10 Things to Do Before You Die
Because you never know when the end might come.
27. What We Do to Avoid Our Exes
You’ll never be safe (or happy) again.
28. The Secret Power of Periods
No one is safe from the sync.
29. The Guy Who’s Definitely Not Keeping Your Secret
Secrets, secrets are no fun, unless they are for – wait, don’t tell anyone!