Season 1

Despite having sent Alf a birthday telegram from Australia requesting a divorce, Else is back in England after her sister has gone. Along with the recently widowed Min, she and Alf share an Eastbourne bungalow, where Alf continues ranting about the left-wing press whilst the women do jigsaws.

Alf is appalled by today's youth, in particular the punk rockers, whose appearance sends him on another diatribe about how they should be called up. His daughter Rita visits and, whilst Alf is spared having to make pleasantries with her husband Mike, he's none too pleased to learn that 16-year-old grandson Michael has turned out to be a punk rocker.

Alf has spent the afternoon at the football match, the result of which has propelled him into the pub and he's gotten drunk. On his return home, he's upbraided by Else and Min for his behaviour but ends up engaging them in a spirited debate about cookery and home economics.

Alf's £50 motorcycle agitates the neighbours as well as with Else and Min. Rita and Michael Junior visit and almost miss their train back to London due to a mishap with the bike.

When the TV breaks, Alf and Min pass the time with a game of pontoon. To make it more exciting, they play for wagers. As the game progresses and not especially in his favour, Alf inevitably proves once more that he's anything but a good loser.

After yet another angry tirade, Alf complains that he's unwell. He's admitted to hospital for his liver, where the diagnosis is that his years of drinking has weakened him and he must stop unless he wants to die.